Why Some People Will Never Like Parties Or Large Social Gatherings
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I do enjoy going to amusement parks, but not with a large group of people. Honestly, I always enjoy going with my family, or just a couple of people. I am more of a small group kind of person, and when you are in your thirties I think you are old enough to finally admit that. Back in high school and college I was the type who never went to large parties, and I have no regrets about that. I would rather be at home walking my dog, reading a book, or watching HBO. Guess that is a bit nerdy for some, but that is the type of person I have always been. When your more on the introverted side you are not stimulated by the large crowds, but can enjoy smaller get togethers. So do you seem like a completely ungrateful social outcast just because you do not enjoy attending large parties? I say not!
The Party Pooper
I always thought that was a relatively negative term to give a person just because they are not the life of the party. So even if you have never been called a party pooper to your face, how do you contend with the knowledge that others know you are not enthused by parties and large groups? I enjoy spending time with family and few friends, but I have never been the large party kind of gal. This is part of the reason I never took a shine to dating because the bar and club scene hold no appeal to me. I detest the taste of liquor and would rather spend money to watch HBO on Friday night than to go hang out with a large crowd.
When you are young others make you feel like a weird bird for not being social, but as an adult you realize it is just part of your introverted personality type. Not everyone wants to be the life of the party, and it is okay not to go to a large party. I was the only person who did not care if I did not get invited to the party, and never understood the point of crashing one.
If you are looking to make lots of business connections maybe you want to go to the large party and socialize, but I have never been able to feign interest in something I find boring. For instance, people standing around in a crowd socializing makes me just want to get up and walk away. For me talking is more of a one on one thing in a less boisterous environment where the two people can hear each other over the cacophony of the crowd. So should you feel bad declining an invitation to your high school reunion, or not going to a large event? No, actually I would not feel bad because as an introvert I know I am just not going to enjoy myself. There are always people at the party you have to listen to, and I do not mind listening to others, but after awhile you might just want to get away from that. Especially when I am at a party with some guy praising Bush or Boehner. Did I mention I am a liberal, and in Southern California's Inland Empire attending a party means you probably would have to stay mum about your more progressive opinions.
So when your friends invite you to a large party, just be upfront and admit this is not your thing. I have been to large events like luaus and amusement parks, but I only went with a few people. The thing about a party is you have to feign interest in someone contending to be the most "dazzling" personality in the room. I do not care about that guy's new ride, or that he buys suits that cost more than my monthly rent. What if you are a single or a liberal, and you know you will not agree with the accolades the life of the party has for John Boehner? When I was younger I would nod my head and just agree with most of what people said at social events, but now I would probably expose myself as a New York Times/BBC reading, Young Turks watcher who is not enthused with the Tea Party platform. Admittedly there is usually a liberal who might do the same big talk/money talk at a party, but to the few I have been to it is the conservative man.
No longer could I hide behind my quiet girl persona of years past, and I would have to engage in political debate. Not my up of tea. I know they say do not discuss religion or politics, the former is between me and God as a matter of personal faith, but the latter includes many social and political issues that effect our daily lives. I know from as a blogger and online writer I have a passion for politics, and I would have more fun staying at home to work on my blog Friday night and going on a hike on Saturday. It is okay to be different and not fit in with the cacophony of the crowd at a party. My suggestions might not be good for a business person looking to make no connections, but if you want to be authentic to yourself, do not be afraid to tell others why you might not be attending a party. Truth be told, I have almost experienced engaging a hard core conservative guy in a political debate at a party years ago, and some how think this time I would have a political debate with such a guy. I am not sure people at a party would think I was exciting for doing that, but I know I would make a few excellent points.
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Hi Paradise, just writing. Not really protest. I just feel like expressing a lot of thought tonight. Glad I am writing all this though. Still enjoying getting the introvert's perspective out there. Feel like I have to defend myself two times tonight in comments. Oh well, I am strong cookie, I can do it.
Hi SweetiePie,
I am the exact same way! I like people, just not huge groups of them for long periods of time. I recently read a great article about introverts - I'll try and find it for you. It's even harder to dislike parties and large gatherings when you are dating an extrovert! I have loosened up somewhat but I know I am still an introvert at heart. We live in a society where extrovert = best, which can be very tough sometimes. I get ya!
Thanks Hazelbrown!
You know I would go to a large party if I had too, but I just always feel it is so not me being there. I meant to read the Introvert's Advantage awhile back, but I never got around to that.
same here.. :)
Hi a1flowers,
At least on the net we can all chat without having to be at a large party. The international party of the internet is quite nice.
It's good to give this perspective, a lot of people don't really understand it too well. Where I used to live back in Europe, I would always go out with friends, house gathering, out to club, beach and all, but I was always the very quiet one. I loved to go out with my friends, but was not the type of talking a lot, joking all the time or otherwise attracting attention to myself. The cool thing is that everyone knew this, liked it and respected my way of being. This did not mean that people would forget about me, not invite me out or anything of the sort. Now here in Canada, things are different, I have had people literally pushing me to the dance floor or forcing me to do something when all I wanted was being around people, joying my drink and that's it. They don't respect much.
Anyways, glad you wrote this hub. cheers.
Hi Varonny,
I am wondering if the more assertive social attitudes tend to be a North American thing? Social people here can be quite assertive when it comes to wanting you to get involved, and go to the party.
Hey Sweetie Pie, me again...my first comment wasn't intended to attack you but to support your position. If I didn't want to go to a party, I wouldn't go, and I wouldn't feel bad about it, either. A party invitation should be an invitation, not a command.
I don't know if it's a North American thing or not. My friends don't push at me when I say I can't or don't want to go to something. They just shrug and smile and catch me next time. S'ok, they can all have just as much fun!
I like card parties and going-to-the-show type parties and outdoor parties; I tend to bail out of business cocktail party type things. Some parties, when a friend or relative is celebrating a milestone, like a birthday or graduation or wedding; those parties are obligatory. Sometimes I like attending, sometimes I can't wait to be done putting in my appearance and get away.
You were just expressing your opinions Paradise. I did not feel you were attacking me, but I felt like after your comment and another comment someone made earlier in the evening, I was sort of defending myself a bit. Sometimes I do stick to more vanilla type hubs knowing my safety zone, but I do have to take myself out of it once and awhile. Anyway, everyone has differing ways of expressing themselves. When I speak of people maybe pressuring others to be social, I am thinking more of when I was in my twenties. I do not think that is much of an issue for people as they mature, but even as an adult when you know other adults think you are a bit dorky because you do not party and socialize like they do, it does make you feel like the odd man out. This hub is really just based on some of my own experiences. Like how my hearing is better than some probably realize, and I have over-heard other adults say I am dorky or weird behind my back was not exactly a fun experience. It felt like high school all over again.
Sweetie pie, you...dorky??? Whoever said that is right out of their tiny mind. You're one of the very coolest people on the HubPages, I've been following you since I started. I LIKE the fact you speak your mind.
The reason for my comment was I was surprised that people pressure other people to go to a party if they don't want to. You must really be more popular and more in demand than me--when I say no, my peeps just shrug and go "Okay", and that is that. I tend to go if I like what we're all doing--like playing cards or some other game, or going to a show, or swimming or an outdoor thing. I tend not to go if it's something I don't like doing, like bowling or going to an amusement park, and thought most people were the same way.
Sometimes we're obligated to go, to celebrate an event in a close friend or relative's life. It sounds to me like you go to those and enjoy those more than I do.
I just don't think you're weird or antisocial or poorly socialized, at all, for your choices. You can't make everyone happy, and some people feel privileged to criticize, no matter in what fashion another person runs his/her own life. There's a saying that these people should know: "Don't rush to judgement in this life, because you certainly don't want to rush to judgement in the next!"
Paradise,
You are very nice and thoughtful to share all that :). It is not that I think I am a dork per sea, I just sometimes get tired of overhearing things in social situations over the years where people just felt they had to say stuff like that. I do think they said some of that stuff to make them feel better, etc.
Paradise, this is such an honest post. Thanks for shedding some light on an issue that many people struggle with. Peersonally when I was younger, I had not hesitation about large crowds; I loved being a part of a large group because of the synergy. As I get older (in my 40s) I find that I prefer small groups of people. I stay away from large group if I can help it. Recently I attended a Sade concert with about 15,000 persons. The synergy was amazing but I wouldn't do that very often.
I've observed that my children do not like large crowds of people; my son when he was 5 freaked out while attending a Summer festival. I didn't understood what was happening but after I removed him from the park, he told me that the music was too loud and people was everywhere he could see. That scared him. I've become more sensitive to his fear although I've tried to re-assure him and I've taken him to large gatherings and he was fine. Some people are just more sensitive to what is happening around them.
About the party seen and the small, senseless and shallow talks that go along with socializing at a party, I'm with you; I do not like them. I feel that they are a waste of time and energy. I prefer to talk about real things like politics and the environment. If I feel that a party is going to be a bore, I'll shy away from it.
You sound like a person who is authentic and knows what works for you.
I like your post; rated up!
I enjoyed reading your perspective on this. I have always struggled somewhat when attending large parties or large group gatherings. I am cynical about people by nature and I always find myself overly wondering why people behave certain ways in large groups.
Too many people are trying to be the life of the party instead of just being themselves. I usually find myself having a few drinks so I can tolerate the nonsense around me. I am also liberal and have some strong religious and political opinions. So, when those discussions come up in a party setting, I find myself wanting to scream.
I would rather stay home and watch a good documentary. I know how boring that sounds.
Nice hub
Cooldad,
Staying home to watch a documentary does not sound boring to me!
I never had a use for parties. They bore me to tears.
I have never had more than a few very close friends and in my mind quality beats quantity every time.
I very much agree with that statement Talen!
They say Canadians as a rule are subdued and less aggressive so speaking for myself I like your attitude as it is what comes naturally to me as well. I think you should be comfortable the way you are, and leave the party-going to those who really enjoy it without feeling guilty.
Wood Marx,
I think introverted Americans are more subdued as well. Thanks for your comments!
You rock! I'm the same and I've felt bad, but after reading you explain it like that I feel more relaxed and contented with myself, just wanted to say thank you :)
I'm 22 and having a 28 year old boyfriend who is the life of the party I wanna either punch myself for not fitting in or punch him for being so social
Hi Kat,
You could always let him go to the party, and do something on your own that night. Time apart can be good :).
Paradise7 Level 7 Commenter 10 months ago
"Methinks the lady doth protest too much.." Nobody's saying you have to go to parties if you don't want to. That doesn't make you anti-social. It's going to parties and behaving badly to others that's anti-social. So, if you don't like parties to begin with or have trouble dealing with large groups of people that include a lot of people strange to you, NOT to go to the party seems like the ONLY WISE CHOICE, so much so that it also seems self-evident.