The Silly Side Of SPAM

Spam is one of the most aggravating types of messages to show up in the inbox. The thing I love about Hotmail is that it does a very good job of catching most spam. However, it is amusing to read these spammy emails from time to time just to see what they have to say. I keep receiving emails from someone pretending to be affiliated with a site called Stickam, which I had not even heard of until the other day. These spammers are too busy to write new emails, and opt to send the same form email to me under different screennames. Here is what I am seeing in my junk file three to four times a day

"Hi

Its' me from stickam! I barely go on that stupid site anymore.....lol

You still down to hook up?

Well, if you wanna still meet up you can message me on yahoo sxysoccergirl69

talk soon"

These spammers are so original that they decide to use the same email over and over again, and I wonder if anyone actually falls for their silly ploys. If they hate Stickam so much, then why are they mentioning this site, or do they just assume I will think they are from Stickam? However, I commend hotmail for doing an excellent job of sending spam to its spammy paradise: the junk filter.

Spammers are just hoping we will open their emails, so now they are using some very clever subject headings in the attempt to achieve this goal. The other day I found a gem in my junk mail with the authorative title "Postmaster". Gee, I wonder what the "Postmaster" wanted me to know:

Hi, L00k at the Ceap Meds Here (Link not included because I will not give these spammers FREE publicity).

Here is another wonderful spammy email I received:

Dear Soul Searcher:

Do you ever wonder who your true love could be? Come to our website for an answer. We charge a small consultation fee of $25.

This time I was actually intrigued and I wondered what response I would get to this reply:

Dear "Psyhic":

How do I know if your product really works? Give me a free trial and I will let you know if your predictions come true after a week.

However, the spammer did reply because they were not going to give up that easily:

Dear Soul Searcher:

We cannot afford to give our product away for free, but we gurantee you will love the results.

Rather than continue this dialogue with the "psychic," I decided to leave their replies in my junk filter, or for the present time anyway.

Do you ever get those fun emails from Myspace? You know the ones with the person that has one picture and who claims they really want to get to know you. Once I received a message from a person that only had one picture of a sexy woman on her profile. She informed me that I was really cute and wanted to know if I could hook up. However, she did not want to talk on Myspace, so she gave me a link to "her website," and you can imagine what type of site that was. I guess the spam bot thought I was a college frat boy, or something.

One thing I learned about Myspace was the profiles with only one picture often tend to be spammers. This is not always the case, but if they are sending you emails with links to their website featuring them as "a cam girl" then you better be highly suspicious. Why are these automated bots not sophisticated enough to tell whether a profile is a woman or a man, or do they just send out multiple emails hoping to "get lucky". If you want to know about the funniest spammer I have ever encountered on MySpace, it was some fake woman's profile telling me I was such a sexy guy, and she would like me to join some dating website. Gee, you think a bot spammer would be sophisticated enough to detect whether a profile is male or female. Could this be one of the reasons I never really liked MySpace all that much?

However, not all spam on Myspace is frivolous or even humorous. Whereas I never entered my personal information on the Macy's credit card scam that was circulating in people's Myspace comments awhile back, I heard this scam actually resulted in many people falling for this sham and becoming victims of identity theft.

I do not eat spam, but the only time I ever enjoyed spam was when it was featured in one of my favorite movies Fifty First Dates. Henry Roth (Adam Sandler) is zoologist who dates tourists, which helps his friend Ula (Rob Schneider) to live vicariously through these flings since he is unhappily married. Henry dreams of studying walrus mating patterns in Alaska, so he decides to take his boat out one day for a practice run before venturing out on his voyage. His boat breaks down and he is forced to wait for the coast guard at a local restaurant. The cook by the name of Nick (Pomaika'i Brown) offers to make Henry spam with peanut butter cups on top, which is the only time the mention of SPAM has ever amused me.

Thank goodness Henry meets Lucy (Drew Barymore) at this juncture because an entire movie about spam would be very scary. The only problem is Lucy has a short term memory and will forget she met Henry the next day, which is the beginning of a quest for the latter to win the love of the former. I will not give way anymore of the plot and you will have to watch the movie if you want to see what happens next. I also promise that watching Fifty First Dates is more enjoyable than reading all the messages in your SPAM filter because that should only be saved for occasions when you are really bored.