Talk With Your Teenagers When They Say They Plan On Having Sex

I am answering this hub request for a person who was asking about what to do if their sixteen year old daughter is planning on having sex. Realistically many teenagers who talk about having sex are going to follow through with this, so it is important to keep the lines of communication open. Even with people who are religious it is important to realize that this may not be an impediment in keeping your son or daughter from experimenting sexually. Ideally it is better to wait to have sex for a myriad of reasons, but several studies have shown that the average person will lose their virginity by the age of seventeen. Studies such as these do not mean that every single person is going to go out and have sex, but human sexuality is something that cannot be curtailed and stopped. When restrictions are put on this behavior many teenagers will become rebellious and will find ways to be intimate against the wishes of their parents. This hub will investigate how parents can communicate with their teenagers to help them make the best choices about waiting to have sex.

Talking with your child about why they should wait to have sex is very important. Do not simply buy your child a book and tell them to read it. If you want your child to understand you values regarding waiting to have sex then you must discuss why you feel this way. This means accepting that they may make a few choices that you do not agree with, but if you keep the lines of communication open at least they will know where you stand. If you tell them they cannot have sex then this will make them want to do this because human nature is very contrary. Humans often feel provoked to do the things that they are told not to do, so you need to work with your son or daughter and help them see why it is better to put off having sex.

If your son or daughter comes to says that they plan on having sex, then help him or her find access to birth control. Honestly I feel teenagers are way too young to be having sex and I wish more of them would wait, but we cannot force people to do this. In the meantime many unwanted pregnancies can be prevented by ensuring that your teenager has access to birth control. Take them to Planned Parenthood classes for teens so they can learn more about safe birth control practices or at least allow them to read the information on the Planned Parenthood website. Many people argue that giving teenagers access to birth control is promoting sexuality, but providing this safety net is actually helping to prevent unwanted pregnancies. Just because you are giving your teenagers access to information does not mean you have to renege on your values of saving sex for a committed relationship or marriage. Actually, when sharing this information with your child it is the ideal time to tell them why it is better to wait.

Not telling your children about how birth control works can have dire consequences, but giving teenagers access to accurate information about birth control is much more helpful than just avoiding the sex talk.

Ask your children why they want to have sex right at this moment in their life. Are they being influenced teen celebrities that are pregnant, and do they think following in such footsteps would bring them recognition and fame. This may sound like a silly question to ask your kids, but recently there were a group of sophomore high school girls that made a pact to all have children and raise them together. If you discover that your children are just wanting to have sex because it looks fun or because they might want to have a baby, try introducing them to some new role models. If you are religious and having pre-martial sex is against your beliefs, than clearly explain to your teens why you feel this way. Do not preach to them, actually talk with them and help them understand why you want them to wait until marriage to have sex. Honestly I do not believe waiting until marriage to have sex is a realistic goal in itself, but if you feel strongly about this position then you must be able to explain it and share it with your teens in a respectful manner.

If your family is not religious then you could your kids find organizations that promote socialcauses, which will get them thinking about bigger issues rather than just having sex.  If your teens volunteer at habitat for humanity they probably will realize there are better things to do with their time than have sex. The reality is birth control is not one hundred percent effective and the probability of contracting a sexually transmitted virus (STD) is directly proportional to the increased number of intimate partners a person has. Do your teenager a favor and let him or her know that even sex with birth control is not one hundred percent effective and sometimes it is best to wait until a couple are in a committed relationship and have both have been tested and are free of STD's. This is not always realistic, but your children are much more likely to listen to what you are saying if you share this with them often enough. In the end no parent can keep their child from having sex, but talking with your child and sharing your values with him or her will at least give them another perspective. Also, help your teenager realize that having sex once does not mean they must continue having sex if they realize it was a mistake and that secondary virginity/celibacy is often a great approach.

Watch Teen Mom with your teens that are planning on having sex. I would talk to them about why it is good to wait, but if you know they are going to be doing it anyway, you might want to take them to get birth control. Also, make a point to watch the reality series Teen Mom with your teenage sons and daughters, which might help to deter their desires to advance their relationships to "the next level". Yes I know teenagers are going to have sex, but there are just so many reasons why they should wait until they are in their twenties, if at all possible. I know that sounds like a wet blanket reason, but really this has nothing to do with religion at all. By the time you are in your twenties you are much more capable of handling an adult relationship, and you know how to take responsibility for birth control. A fourteen or fifteen year old just wants to have sex because everyone else is doing it, but years later they may regret that decision. Having sex can be truly disappointing when you find out it is not like the movies or a romance novel. The series Teen Mom does a good job of illustration how the real responsibility of being a teen parent is no a picnic.