Single Women Are Not "Low Man Totem Pole"

Men like Hugh Hefner who are single are considered eligible bachelors, and people go bananas when he considers remarrying in his eighties. A woman who decides to remain single is considered an old maid, or even mocked as being "an old cat lady" if she would rather have felines for companionship than a man. Why does someone need a man in their life to feel esteemed or valued? Yes I agree it is probably best not to be friends with married men, but the men in these relationships are just as guilty if they decide to have an affair, or even if it is just an emotionally charged friendship with unmarried woman.

I have grown tired of the passe notion that a woman is always responsible for how men behave. Just like those women who were told that they might get attacked for dressing "slutty," which inspired those "slut walks" in protest, but would anyone say that to a man wearing a tight shirt walking down the street? I personally prefer to dress more on the conservative side, and I have no interest in dating or befriending a man in a relationship, but why all the harsh judgment of single women by married women? Years ago I was a graduation party with a friend, and this man started checking me out. After awhile it became obvious and his wife scolded him for it, and he said "Well she started it!" I was thinking, well no, you were the one with the wandering eye, and it is not my fault if you act like a joker about it.

Cheating is always the woman's fault, right? If single women never spoke to married men, then maybe all those cheating husbands would be on the straight and narrow. Rather than blaming a single woman for luring your husband away, why not accept that maybe he is acting like a car enthusiast at a car show, ogling all the pretty toys. Ultimately, you need to decide with whether you want to put up with his behavior. If my husband or boyfriend was so transfixed with looking at other women in the room, or having an emotional affair with a long-time friend, I probably would not be with such a person for very long. I actually expect someone to be loyal and exclusive to me if I were dating them, and esepcially if I were married to the said individual. If I thought that my husband was not calpable of fidelity, whether it be emotional and/or physical, I would probably move on and find someone who appreciated me.

When dating you need to be on the lookout for such behavior in the person you are courting because honestly, there are usually signs of it all along. If a man is having deep conversations with other women, or looking around the room at every pretty little thing in a tight dress, I imagine he did not develop these symptoms upon walking down the aisle.

The truth is both a married man and a single woman having an emotional or physical affair are equally culpable. The old notion that the woman some how lead the man astray is not really accurate as I have seen plenty of women ogle men. It truly takes two to tango. Today married women, single women, married men, and single men are all equally culpable when it comes to infidelity. No one person is more to blame than the other, but you have to decide whether you are willing to put up with a spouse or significant other that goes for the community spigot mentality.

I have actually had a friend tell she hoped I did not feel like she was "leaving me behind" because she now had a boyfriend. I dated in my twenties, but I never enjoyed any of it. On my thirtieth birthday I made a decision to give up dating and to be single for the rest of my life. I hated dating and the notion I should get out there, and I have been so much happier since I decide to fly it solo.

Even when married women do not mean to do so, I often get comments from those who marvel at my self chosen status. I once had a married women tell me I would never be fortunate enough to have a soul-mate of my own because I have strong opinions and such. I have had men tell me I should say pleasing things, and wait around for them to call. I have been told so many ridiculous things by people who I decided really had no respect for me. I decided being single is a strong and beautiful thing, and you are no one's low man totem pole. So maybe I cannot complain with with my married friends about how my husband did not appreciate the lasagna dish, but I like cooking what I want to eat anyway.

I am probably not a desirable candidate for a marriage, and I actually smile at that. Not everyone wants to get married, and being a wife does not make you more esteemed than anyone else. Married women do not realize they often put the single ladies down with some of their comments, but I say stand tall and proud if you have decided to go it alone. You can be happy and having fulfilling friendships without a marriage. However, you might want to be friends with only single people. Honestly, I find being good friends with single women and men is just easier, and avoids a lot of misunderstandings. I do have married friends, but as people go through life changes, sometimes you can just be more honest, real, and open with people who have the same marital status as yourself.