Flunking Out Of College: Should I Allow My Adult Children Move Back Home?

So has your adult son or daughter flunked out of college? Having been a college student myself that witnessed students partying while I studied hard and and maintained a high GPA and worked a part-time job, I must admit I had very little respect for those who ended up on academic probation. It is pretty hard to flunk out of a US college or university, so I hate to tell you this, but your son or daughter must have been working pretty hard to get to this place. There are certain circumstances where I might understand someone failing course, such as death in the family, or having to work several jobs to pay for tuition. On the other hand, I have very little respect for people whose parents pay for everything and they still fail their courses. Students who do not have jobs have all the time in the world to study and very few excuses for flunking out of college. I even knew students who never studied and were able to buckle down a week before midterms and finals, so it is possible to pass your courses in most circumstances. I do not recommend procrastination and cramming, but just being apathetic and not trying is a waste of money and time. Unless a college student was suffering from a major illness or experienced a traumatic event, most likely he or she was partying or just not studying in order to completely fail. Failing in certain programs like bio-med are understandable because there is a high attrition rate due to the hard coursework, but if your teen is failing art history courses you might want to ask them if they ever cracked the books. Most colleges and universities put a student on academic probation before they are expelled, so most students have known about their grades well in advance and were given time to rectify the situation. There are also tutoring services to help students struggling with their grades, so if you are footing the college bill and your son or daughter is still failing most of their courses, there is really little to no excuse for this!  As a parent you might want to reconsider paying for your son or daughter's education if you notice they are failing their courses. This is not harsh because often people will only appreciate things they have to pay for themselves.

Some college students argue that they did not know courses would require so much time set aside for studying, but this is something everyone should keep in mind before applying to four year universities. If you are looking for an easier course load it makes more sense to first apply to a community college or a technical school to take one or two course, but having a full ride paid by your parents' to a major university and not respecting their money is slightly disrespectful. I had to pay for college myself, and in certain circumstance I think that students who are partying should have their parents stop footing the bill. Maybe if these college students had to pay for their own books and tuition they might take college a bit more seriously, and finally see it as an opportunity to learn rather than a chance to just hang out and socialize. On the other hand, some college students are mature and simply realize that school is not for them, which in that case they will drop out and get a job. However, if you have the opportunity to finish your degree it is for the best because this is experience that you can put on your resume, and you can always get real world experience working at a job as you pursue a four year degree.

In America there is a big emphasis on people moving away from home when they turn eighteen. Personally I was happy to move away from home, but that is only because my dad buys into the popular American notion that kids should leave home at adulthood. However, here in the US I know many families where the kids still live at home, and many of them are working professionals in their thirties. I see nothing wrong with kids moving back home, as long as they are working and contributing to the household. I am not talking about people who are not working and dropped out of school. If you drop out of college and move back home I think the first thing you should do is get a job and help your parents.

As Americans we do waste a lot of money on our emphasis that everyone should maintain their own separate household. If it were up to me I think it would be great for my sister and I to live with our mom, but our dad does not like this idea. I truly have to admire the cohesive Asian families where several generations work and live together. However, one friend who is first generation told me that second and third generation Asians are less into this lifestyle now.

In this economy we could definitely save money and resources by filling some of these larger houses. So if you have room at home and your son or daughter is struggling at school, ask them to move back home on the condition they will look for work and reconsider their academic plans.  Maybe they will attend trade school, join the military, or even go back to a four year college when they realize they have to study a bit more than they did the first time around. Just let your adult children know there is an expectation of them finding work if they move back home, and that they need to contribute money to the living expenses of the household.